


My Foolish Heart

by HQK



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Accidental Use of the Force, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Kylo Ren Angst, Light Petting, Neck Kissing, Negotiator!Reader, Prologue, Set before the main story, dream a little dream of me prologue, first dreams
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:09:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27247072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HQK/pseuds/HQK
Summary: Commander Ren's ruthless actions in battle have resulted in cut ties from an important First Order ally, and somehow, you're the one in Hux's firing line after negotiations go sour. Your grudge against the Commander continues to grow, and is further complicated by the beginnings of a series of dreams...--------This is a prologue to my longer piece,Dream a Little Dream of Me
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Kudos: 11





	My Foolish Heart

It was the yelling that did it. 

That set you reeling and made your heart pound in your ears and your hands shake and your breath rattle in your lungs and— 

And you wanted to put your fist through the top of your desk to relieve some of the pent up adrenaline, but that would mean admitting it got to you. Either way you came out wounded. At this point it was just a matter of what’s more important: your hand or your pride. 

Hux’s voice still bounced around in your skull, bruising neural pathways with the way it echoed. Logically, you understood that sometimes situations were simply irreparable. That there were occasions in your line of work when egos had been too badly damaged or high ranking individuals too personally insulted for you to do any sort of patch job. To be fair, you were most certainly  _ not  _ the one who had shot down multiple allied space crafts during the invasion of a resource rich, outer rim planet killing the son of one very important ambassador in the process, but somehow it ended up on your desk nonetheless. 

And there were not enough credits at your disposal to make up for a dead son. 

You suspected there may not be enough credits in the whole of the galaxy to negate that loss. 

Not that you would know—holodramas can only get you so far in understanding conventional family dynamics—but it seemed a cheap move even as the offer of compensation left your mouth. 

Turns out, you were right. 

The negotiations ended with a severing of ties from the Order and your ass in Hux’s line of fire. Of course it was you on the receiving end of his verbal arsenal seeing as Commander Trigger Happy Ren was conveniently predisposed in the medbay.

How fortunate for him. 

You’d escaped to your office just in time, closed the door and sat and wished you had a pillow so you could scream into it. Because if you screamed, the stinging in your eyes might go away and take the growing knot in your throat with it. 

You weren’t bad at your job, in fact you had  _ just _ been promoted. 

You thrived in fast paced environments, you could think on your feet and Hux must not believe you’re a complete moron—he did hire you—but you just…

There was nothing you could have done to salvage that meeting. Nothing you could have said or offered, but it felt like there must have been something you missed. 

You wanted to be impressive, needed to be impressive. To whom you weren’t sure, maybe everyone. The look of disgust and disapproval on the General’s face was burned into your eyelids. You simply couldn’t stand the thought of failing. 

This was the only thing you were ever actually  _ good _ at. 

And you  _ needed _ to be good at it, because you didn’t have anything else. 

Something wet and shameful dripped from your chin and onto the cold, metal desk. The stream continued until there was a veritable puddle forming, threatening to spill over the edge and soak your uniform trousers. What was it Hux had called you? 

_ Pathetic _ . 

Damn if you weren’t just proving him right. 

You thought sourly of Kylo Ren. He’d surely be surrounded by medical droids and basking in the light of his victory, completely unbothered by its consequences. He stood on a pedestal—the hero of the First Order, its strongest weapon, a god in his own right leading you on the path to glory—while you were swallowed up in the shadow he cast. 

Trapped in the dark trail left behind, you carried the weight of massacred planets and dead sons on your shoulders. 

And how dare you falter. 

How dare you be anything but grateful. 

That’s what all your coworkers said when you got this position. What an honor, they said. 

_ What an honor.  _

What an honor it was to work so closely with such powerful men. 

And, gods, you had actually believed that. 

What an honor? 

What a load of shit. 

You sniffed, wiping your face and nose on your jacket sleeve. This wouldn’t be the first time you’d been screwed over, and it most certainly wouldn’t be the last. The least you could do was finish the report quickly. That way it could be sent off to rest in the graveyard of all the Order’s other failed alliances and you could forget it had ever happened.

Which would give you more time to stew, more time to focus on who was truly at fault here. 

You’d known very little about Commander Ren coming into this position—and while a reluctant part of you was enamored by his strength—the more you learned, the more he enraged you. In fact, you didn’t even know what he looked like behind that ridiculous mask he insisted on wearing at all times, but that mattered very little. 

Your anger did not need a face. 

Swiftly, you typed the report, forwarded it to the appropriate recipients and went directly to your quarters. The shifts would be changing soon and you wanted to escape into sleep for a while. The cafeterias would be open when you woke up anyway. 

Something felt strange as you stripped and slid into your bunk, the hard mattress pressing into your spine. The blankets were thin and scratched painfully at your skin in the low light. Your eyes fell closed somewhat against your will, like it wasn’t quite sleep that pulled you hard into a dark unconsciousness, devoid of thought. But you didn’t have the power to resist it regardless. In seconds the room faded out into a drowsy haze and you surrendered into the comforting oblivion.

* * *

_ It felt like waking.  _

_ A sort of gradual coming into existence starting from your toes and working up until you could just barely peel your eyes open.  _

_ Your head was spinning in the way it often did when you woke up at your desk expecting to be in bed. That same, strange disorientation flitted about your brain as it registered whatever was laying underneath you was much softer and warmer than your mattress. It rose up and sunk every so often like it was breathing. Maybe it was. Certainly felt that way, considering the cool prickle of moving air on your neck.  _

_ Everything was still black, so you concentrated on the placement of your limbs in space. You were face down. There was something large and solid squeezed between your thighs, what felt like bone under muscle pressing in when you shifted. It felt very much like a body, with arms crushing you to a massive chest, and your head tucked into the crook of his neck. That explained the warmth then. You burrowed deeper into him, breathing in the scent of mint that fanned across your face.  _

_ After a few moments of settling, the body shifted. He dropped his head, grazing the softest, plushest, pair of lips over the shell of your ear. You shivered and his arms tightened around you, eclipsing your body in his. The lips wandered lower, ghosting across your neck and licking a wet stripe down until they reached the joining at your shoulder and nibbled at the skin.  _

_ Like he was tasting you, drinking the tension in your bones. With every press of his lips to your flesh, you went limp and melted into the body below you.  _

_ Long locks of hair brushed your nose as he moved, descending on the other side to suck and bite at the skin. Teeth dug in, stinging as they printed marks across your chest.  _

_ It was so… _

_ Familiar.  _

_ A quiet hum escaped you and was muffled by the broad expanse of torso. That made him still, made him pause, and tilt your head back by the hair. His hand cupped the whole of your skull in his palm.  _

_ So big, so firm.  _

_ So all encompassing.  _

_ You couldn’t see, but you felt eyes on you—searching, but not finding.  _

_ There was breath on your lips, and it wasn’t your own. It was sharp and clean and so close you could taste the warmth of it. The burning inside your chest and eyes was laid to rest under his scrutiny. A hand, with calloused, thick fingers ran along the curve of your jaw, clenching every now and again as though they were accustomed to such a soft touch. Used to more force. A tighter grip, a more violent purpose.  _

_ But not here, and not now.  _

_ You inhaled deeply, stealing some of him and hoarding it deep inside yourself. It felt warm, like his hulking body below you.  _

_ It felt good. _

_ It felt right.  _

_ It felt safe. _

_ It felt like a beginning. _

_ His hand tensed, and tucked you back into him like his ribs might crack open and swallow you whole. By degrees, your awareness faded out. Your limbs lost their physical presence and everything faded into this odd, in between space. This time it was sleep that called. So, calm, content, and willing you followed its call.  _

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed this little companion piece. If you did, make sure to check out the bigger work and leave me a comment or check out more of my writing on tumblr [ @star-killer-md](https://star-killer-md.tumblr.com/)


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